Friends don’t let friends stay friends.

People suck. You know this. I know this. Even if you’re one of those annoyingly nice and optimistic bubblegum and rainbows people you know this. You’re just not the type of person to say it that way. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who is willing to accept you for who you are without hassling you for your flaws… keep em. But you may be asking yourself “Hmmm… if that’s the quality I should aim to keep in a friend… what quality should I set as the low end to know who to get rid of?” To which I say… nothing cause you’re asking yourself. If you want an answer from me you should write in with it. Speaking of people writing in with questions… Lindsay from North Caroline sent in tis little ditty.

Dear Griff,

I’ve got this friend that has really been getting on my nerves. She’s really close-minded. She can be extremely annoying and it seems that she does everything to get on my nerves. She’s really predictable and boring, so boring that I find myself irritated just talking to her. She gets angry over the silliest of things, and gets mad at me for pointing out grammar and spelling mistakes out of habit when I’m just pointing it out so she will fix it so I won’t have to look at it anymore. She’s also very hypocritical. An example of this is that she hates it when I tell her I don’t care about somthing she’s talking about, but tells me she doesn’t care all the time. Sometimes I feel the need to slap the bitch out of her.

In her defense, she has a lot on her plate and she didn’t grow up in what I would call a “loving environment”. I guess it could be irritating when I point out mistakes. I have a superiority complex when it comes to her. I guess it’s because we’re around the same age. I feel that she is lower than me when it comes to intellect and reason, but she is superior to me when it comes to creativity, beauty, personality, and art. I told her so, and she got mad at me and only focoused on the intellect part.

I know this is a giant wall of text. I’d just like to ask what’s happening. Could you help me? Is our friendship completely falling apart?

Okay first off… if you don’t know why you should get rid of this person… you need a better role model. If you don’t understand that the fact that you don’t realise that your personal fears and social insecurities are the reason why it’s never crossed your mind to get rid of this person you need a therapist.

If you break down your letter into a list of pros and cons of this persons effect on yourself you get the following collection of information.

Cons: She annoys, insults, disregards, bores and irritates you. You linger in envy of her looks and creative aspects.

Pros: She makes you feel better about yourself intellectually.

Just looking at that this whole thing sounds like a bad deal.

Though honestly… I don’t see why she’s kept you around either. No one likes the word nazi. Unless she’s writing a thesis or professional document no one cares whether or not she’s spelling properly. People may notice. People may judge a little. But if you actually care… you need a hobby.

As for her family baggage it’s pretty common that if you grow up in a hypercritical environment that you tend to not only be nit-picky yourself but also tend to be easily annoyed by other people picking at you. However if you’re smart enough to identify the pattern but too stupid to change your half of the pattern then you have no right to complain about the outcome. You know that picking at her makes her mad at you. I know that shooting at the police makes them mad at me. I tend to avoid things that I know make people mad if I don’t like them being mad. It’s pretty simple “hey doc it hurts when I do this” logic. Just sayin.

So really… this whole friendship seems pretty empty. I’m guessing you both just don’t have many other options for making new friends or you would’ve traded each other in by now. So really you either need to accept her for who she is and stop getting agitated when she acts the way you expect her to or stop talking to her and go try to meet new people. Right now the main issue is that she is who she is, you don’t like the dynamic but you don’t seem to be looking to do anything to change the equation.

So to sum up…

• Lindsay = poor risk analyzer.
• If you’re more trouble than you’re worth, you’re fired.
• Word nerds are cute. Word nazi’s are douchebags.
• Press someone’s Pissy Button and shame on you.
• Complaining when they get pissy makes you look dumb.

Always remember that if you realise there is a problem with a situation you’re involved in… 90% of the time you’re one of the main causes. This is only true because you’re the one who sees it as a problem.

-Griffin

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~ by grypesagon on 2009/07/31.